Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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