like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
