i think my mom watched the whole time
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
