I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize