um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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