omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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