You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
