The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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