yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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