from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
