Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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