I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
