Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
