i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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