also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
