ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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