i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I smell stomach acid.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
