There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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