I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
