i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
