i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
