Betty ford says i'm here all night
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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