apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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