how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
no more duck duck goose at the bar
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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