If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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