Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
