if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
