we made out on top of his cat.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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