I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We are two peas in an std pod
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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