to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
