Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
