the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize