I must be too annoying 4 u.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
