Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
