I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
