Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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