This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
