Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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