I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
