woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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