When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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