my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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