I am puke
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
