Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
