And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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