By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
