And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
