and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just threw up on my dentist
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
