I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize