i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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