My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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