then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
