I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
