just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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