Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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