hell yes lets make some ravioli
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
