I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
