You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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