You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
