I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
