I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
