He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
