Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
