I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize