hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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