things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
