im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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