I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
